


Coffee Blues

by mandykaysfic



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-28
Updated: 2014-01-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 08:44:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1157560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mandykaysfic/pseuds/mandykaysfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Captain Janeway simply can't get by without her coffee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coffee Blues

**Author's Note:**

> A 'Top Ten' challenge fic from the list “Ten reasons you know you've had too much coffee when...”. 
> 
> List of more than ten reasons included at the end. 
> 
> Title is from Mississippi John Hurt's song 'Coffee Blues'.

“Good morning, Captain Janeway. How are you?” Neelix appeared at the captain's side with a full coffee pot in his hand.

“Good to the last drop,” answered Janeway absently as she tipped her mug up and her head back, making sure she'd got every last available drop of her life's blood. She sighed with gratitude when Neelix refilled her mug. “Just leave the pot here, Neelix,” she said, and indicated the pile of PADDs at her elbow.

“But,” Neelix began to protest. The captain was not the only one on board who depended on their morning coffee fix. Neelix liked to make sure Tom Paris had at least two full cups of his finest brew before taking the helm. He crumpled under Janeway's steely glare and backed away, murmuring about the potential location of a second coffee pot and a new way he'd thought of for making the remaining coffee beans stretch a little further.

Kathryn frowned. She pulled the coffee pot a little closer and thanked her lucky stars Chakotay and Tuvok preferred tea. Perhaps she would be better of taking this to her Ready Room. She gathered up the reports and managed to balance her mug and the pot well enough to get behind closed doors without spilling so much as a drop. She closed her eyes and inhaled the rich aroma. Surely this was the best smell in the universe. Not a day went by when she didn't regret leaving her personal coffee maker behind. She'd perfected the timing sequence to the second so the coffee-infused steam wafted gently over her face exactly four seconds after her alarm sounded. Waking to that first morning inhalation made going to sleep worthwhile.

She contacted Chakotay and informed him he would have the Bridge for the first half of the shift while she tackled her share of the crew evaluations. In return, she'd allow him the same the following morning. He accepted with alacrity, and she resolutely picked up the PADD containing Crewman Chell's evaluation. It took two cups of coffee to get through. The pot was empty by the time she was due on the Bridge. She frowned at her blurry reflection, unable to remember finishing the contents. Truth to tell, she couldn't even remember her second cup of coffee for the day, let alone the last one she'd had. She needed more caffeine. 

Secure in the knowledge she was unobserved, Kathryn picked up the coffee pot and licked the edges. She stretched her tongue down as far as it would reach and then ran her finger around the inside so she could make sure she didn't waste a single drop. Even the dregs were capable of producing frankly pornographic moans of pleasure as they activated her taste buds. 

Satisfied the pot was devoid of every last molecule, she decided to return it to the Mess for refilling. There was still half a shift to get through and she would no doubt find several excuses to slip into her Ready Room for a caffeine hit.

She stepped into the turbolift. The doors closed and the tiny space seemed to close in around her. She shook her head to clear her vision, and the lights swam crazily before her eyes. Dizziness overwhelmed her and she fell to the floor. 

Chakotay got a shock when the turbolift door opened and revealed Captain Janeway sprawled on the floor. His eyes lit up as he momentarily forgot himself. She needed CPR and he was just the one to provide it. He forgot all about protocol, forgot to call for an emergency beam to Sickbay. Instead, he dropped to his knees. He settled Kathryn onto her back and took a breath. Just as he was about to blow his life-giving breath into her lungs, he heard a moan. He frowned. The sound came again. It was definitely a moan, or a groan. She was trying to say something. He turned and placed his ear just above her mouth.

“C.P.R.,” he heard. “I need C.P.R.”

“I'm here, Kathryn. I'll give you CPR,” he vowed, never once considering that she was actually conscious. He placed his mouth over hers and blew, then recoiled in surprise when his cheek was slapped.

“I said C.P.R., not CPR,” she rasped.

“But I was administering CPR,” he protested.

“Caffeine Provides Resuscitation.” The 'you fool' was unspoken, but clearly heard by both of them.

Chakotay flushed and called for an emergency beam out to the Mess Hall. He could picture the smirk that would be spread over Anderson's face as she handled the transport. The captain's coffee addiction was well known and the Mess Hall transports were an open secret which were creatively logged as a particular training exercise.

Neelix had a full pot of strong coffee ready and waiting. He pulled a chair out for the captain and when she raised the cup to her lips, he motioned Chakotay aside. “We need to find someone who has coffee, or at least something pretty similar we can trade with. The genuine coffee is almost all gone and the replicator can't get it exactly right.”

Chakotay nodded. He'd heard plenty about the similarities between replicated coffee and synthahol and the comparisons were not favorable. Even so, the biggest problem was the amount of energy it took to replicate a single serving of coffee.

“I heard that,” Janeway piped up. “I agree. Get Ensign Kim scanning for suitable planets, unless you know of any, Neelix?”

Neelix tilted his head as he considered their location and heading. After a moment, his face lit up. “I do believe we are within a few days of Maffranda if you don't mind a detour. Their southern continent is famed for its 'cha'kao'. It's a stimulating drink, usually served hot and has a taste almost identical to your coffee.”

“Chakotay.”

“I'm on it, Captain.” The commander hurried back to the Bridge.

 

It turned out the detour was closer to eight days at warp five than three, but for the sake of some coffee, nobody was objecting. By day five, the Doctor ordered Captain Janeway to take some time off. Her constant presence on the Bridge was unsettling everyone as she harried them unmercifully, resentful of the fact that a coffee shortage was no justification for traveling at warp nine. 

Under protest, she entered the holodeck to spend some time relaxing at the Resort. Chakotay was with her to make sure she obeyed the Doctor's orders. He'd prepared himself for a grueling tennis or beach volleyball match, or perhaps to swim endless laps of the pool, but she surprised him when she flung herself down on a sun lounge and pulled a book out of her bag. “I'm going to work on my tan,” she stated baldly. He stared at her quizzically, but she simply raised her eyebrows and silently dared him to comment. He grinned and remained silent as he lay down on the lounge next to her.

Chakotay closed his eyes and allowed his mind to drift. He didn't quite meditate in case Kathryn decided she wanted to talk; instead, he let the programmed sounds of bird calls and lapping pool water, interspersed with the occasional turning of pages, wash over him. A quite rustle may have been a small animal in a nearby bush. He tuned in more closely when it happened again, and then a third time. It sounded very close. A louder crackle made him jump. More cracks made him sit up and examine his surroundings. If he hadn't been watching Kathryn's face when it happened again, it may have taken him quite a while to work out the noises were caused by her eating something.

“Wha?” she mumbled, a trifle indistinctly.

“It's you. You're eating something.”

The instant denial that sprang to her lips died before she had the chance to utter it. She couldn't prevent the high color that stained her cheeks. “Er...,” she offered in confusion.

“You didn't share,” Chakotay accused as he leaned in close.

Kathryn hurriedly cleaned her teeth with her tongue and swallowed guiltily. “I didn't think you'd liked them.”

“There's not many things I don't like, apart from carrots, pudding... and leola root, and I don't think you're eating any of those.” He grinned tried the 'death glare', but he was not to be distracted. “I'll just find out for myself what it is.” He reached out.

Reflexively, she closed her hand tightly over the bag's opening, but his hand went to the top of the sun lounge to steady himself as he touched his lips to hers. The gentle pressure increased as he hummed thoughtfully. The tip of his tongue swiped over her still closed mouth, then he drew back a little to lick his lips. When he licked across her lips again, she kissed him back.

It was some time later when Chakotay announced that all he could taste was coffee. Kathryn reached into her bag and brought out a handful of what she'd been snacking on. As he stared, she picked a couple of the small dark things and popped them into her mouth. She bit down and the familiar cracking noise filled the air.

“Coffee beans!” exclaimed Chakotay incredulously. “You're actually grinding the coffee beans with your teeth.”

“I started doing in it my teens,” she said. “I got the habit when I started hanging out at our local coffee house. I had a crush on one of the baristas.” She smiled reminiscently. “You know, I was awarded 'Employee of the Month' four times in a row and I didn't even work there. And there were times even instant coffee took too long. It was easier just to eat the beans.”

Chakotay snorted, but he didn't disbelieve her.

“Guess what was the best holiday I ever spent.” Kathryn didn't wait for him to speak. She continued dreamily, “It was the time we went to Jacksonville, Florida. Phoebe wanted to go to the Museum of Contemporary Art. Me, I just wanted to go to Maxwell House and imbibe!” She sighed. “I went back, well, never mind how many times I went back.” 

Chakotay held her gaze with his own. Before she realized what was happening, he swiped a couple of coffee beans from her palm and while she watched, he placed them between his teeth. She slowly leaned forward, irresistibly drawn to them. Right when it seemed she would pluck them from his mouth, he sucked them inside, and this time she kissed him.

“You don't tan, you know,” he murmured when they eventually drew apart. “You roast,” he teased, and tickled her ribs. She squealed with laughter and tried to wriggle away. A few coffee beans hit him on the chest. 

 

Several days later, the trade with Maffranda proved most successful. Lieutenant Torres worked an engineering marvel at one of their production plants, increasing the efficiency of cha'koa refinement by nine percent, and all the coffee drinkers on board Voyager were able to indulge in hot cha'koa whenever they wanted for a long time to come. It didn't stop Kathryn Janeway grinding coffee beans with her teeth and Chakotay gained a whole new taste for coffee in all its guises.

The end.

You know you've had too much coffee when...

1.Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.   
2.You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.   
3.The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.   
4.You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.   
5.You lick your coffeepot clean.   
6.You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."   
7.You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.   
8.Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.   
9.You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.   
10.You can jump-start your car without cables.   
11.All your kids are named "Joe."   
12.Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."   
13.You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.   
14.You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.   
15.People get dizzy just watching you.   
16.When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."   
17.The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.   
18.Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.   
19.You're so wired, you pick up FM radio.   
20.Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans."   
21.Instant coffee takes too long.   
22.When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."   
23.You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.   
24.You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.   
25.You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.   
26.You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."   
27.You get drunk just so you can sober up.   
28.Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.   
29.You can outlast the Energizer bunny.   
30.You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.   
31.You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.   
32.You don't tan, you roast.   
33.You can't even remember your second cup.   
34.You introduce your spouse as your "Coffeemate."   
35.You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation." 

END


End file.
